How To Receive Unsolicited Advice + Set Boundaries

How To Receive Unsolicited Advice + Set Boundaries. When Advice Isn’t Welcome: How to Politely Set Boundaries. How to Gracefully Handle Unsolicited Advice. Protect Your Peace: How to Set Boundaries with Advice-Givers.

Receiving unsolicited advice can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re just trying to enjoy something, learn at your own pace, or explore a new hobby. Often, people who give advice, no matter how well-meaning, take it too seriously, turning a fun experience into something stressful. Here’s how to tackle these situations, set boundaries, and protect your mental space when people start “coaching” you without being asked.

How To Receive Unsolicited Advice + Set Boundaries

Why People Give Unsolicited Advice

• Good intentions: Many people give advice because they genuinely believe they’re helping. Or if you are “on their team” they will usually tell you how to do something “better” so that you will “win” as a team.

• Validation-seeking: Sometimes, advice-givers are more focused on showing their expertise than on your needs.

• A desire for control: According to psychologist Harriet Lerner, unsolicited advice can sometimes be a way for people to manage their own anxiety by trying to control your situation. They want the result to go their way and they will let you know what you “should” do to help them get the “result” they want. This is not to say you also don’t want the same result, but you might be okay accepting where you are at this point, but they might not be.

• Fear of failure: Some advice stems from others projecting their own fears of mistakes onto you.

When “Help” Starts to Feel Like Coaching

• Too serious, too fast: You’re casually learning or enjoying something, but someone steps in as if you’re in a high-stakes situation. Their intensity can take the joy out of the activity. They can sometimes suck the life out of a rather enjoyable experience for you.

• “Training” without consent: People act like they’re your coach or trainer, even when they don’t fully understand your personal journey or goals. This is really annoying, and sometimes they just keep giving these advices even if you do not even show interest in receiving them.

• Testing your skills: Some might give advice as a way to see how well you do, rather than letting you figure things out at your own pace.

Why It Can Feel So Triggering

How To Receive Unsolicited Advice

• Insecurity: When you already feel uncertain about your abilities, unsolicited advice can hit a sensitive spot. Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch explains that advice can sometimes highlight our insecurities, making us feel like we’re not good enough. Especially when you feel like you’ve already improved significantly, but this person giving you advice might not have seen your journey or how far you’ve come, so for you, it feels like your progress is being ignored.

• Loss of control: People giving advice can make you feel like you’re losing control over your own experience. It takes away your autonomy and interrupts your flow. It’s killing your vibes.

• Fear of judgment: You might worry that others are silently judging your every move or that you’ll never meet their expectations.

How to Set Boundaries and Protect Your Space

• Acknowledge their intent: If someone means well, you can start by thanking them. “Thanks for your input, I know you’re trying to help.”

• Set clear limits: Politely but firmly tell them, “I’m just trying to enjoy this at my own pace right now,” or “I prefer to figure things out on my own.”

• Shift the conversation: Redirect the focus by saying, “I’m comfortable with how I’m handling this, but I appreciate your concern.”

• Use humor: Sometimes humor can ease tension. Try saying, “Whoa, I didn’t realize I signed up for a boot camp!”

Once I played drop-in volleyball and this guy just started dropping instructions and teaching me, and I said “What else is there coach?” I know I haven’t played in a while so I wasn’t receiving properly, but take note, this is during warm-up. Also, this is a FREE drop-in where there are no levels, meaning the risk of you not paying means you don’t know who you’ll be playing with, so expecting everyone to play at your level isn’t fair. You can go to a paid drop-in by level so you can play with your level- but nope. They choose free and start coaching people to play how they want to play.

Self-Talk to Keep Your Confidence in Check

How To Receive Unsolicited Advice

• Remind yourself of your journey: Say to yourself, “I am learning and improving at my own pace, and that’s okay.” I also say to myself “I am NOT THE ONLY ONE going through this and everyone trying to evolve and get better will work on things at their own pace and in their own way.” One thing that also helped me is I have written down or tracked down my progress, and look back and see how much I’ve learned and how far I’ve become and remind myself how CAPABLE I am of learning and evolving.

This is why journalling really helps because you can see and track your progress clearly which makes it easier for you to *not believe* that you’re not good enough from all these unsolicited advice.

• Embrace imperfection: Reassure yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes. “I don’t need to be perfect to enjoy this.” This is really important to me because I tend to be an “empath” so much that if people around me are not “satisfied” I take on TOO MUCH responsibility that it is my fault that we are “failing” or why things are not “working out”. But I also have to see that EVERY SINGLE PERSON MAKES MISTAKES. So I cannot beat myself up and just take all the blame. I am accountable in the sense that I know what I need to work on and learn, but at the same time, it won’t happen in the next 10 minutes so I have to be at peace with the moment of things not working out.

• Trust your process: Tell yourself, “I trust my instincts and know what’s best for me right now.” I’ve also added “Not everyone in my journey is meant to stay. I will lose some and win some people and the ones that I vibe with, I will enjoy fully.” This helped me see that some people can give me all the best advice but I just don’t feel right being around them, yet, there are other people that I am open to and will happily take their advice because it feels right for me.

• Reframe the advice: Think of unsolicited advice as a reflection of the other person’s experiences, not your ability. Oof. This one is a big one too for me. Becuase I want to put myself in a learning position, but I also know that it will be uncomfortable for me to grow and evolve. So I want to be surrounded by people who “inspire” me to grow and be “okay” being uncomfortable instead. of making me feel bad about it- whether intentional. or not. My goal is to make every moment of growth uncomfortable, yet kind, fun, and inspiring.

Preparing for Encounters with Persistent Advice-Givers

• Anticipate triggers: Before heading into situations where unsolicited advice might occur, remind yourself that their advice doesn’t reflect on your worth or abilities.

• Plan your response: Think about phrases you’ll use to kindly but firmly shut down unwanted coaching. As mentioned earlier, you can have responses handy to help you through these moments.

• Practice self-compassion: Give yourself the grace to learn, experiment, and enjoy things without the pressure of someone else’s standards.

• Limit exposure. Although this is not always doable, I have learned that when I say “I’ll practice on my own first, and after an hour, we can meet again so you can review with me.” I found that the best coaches or teachers show that they are interested in your learning style. Not just them spitting out advice or teaching, it’s taking the time to know your learning style and how to support you in your journey. And this is why random unsolicited advice givers tend to come off as annoying and overbearing.

• Learn your weaknesses and strengths. I’ve found that when I know the areas I am “weak” in, I can communicate it better and find the support I need. The same goes for my strengths and because I know them, I know I have them and they are useful. So when someone gives me “unsolicited advice” I can address it better and know that, I am working on it at my own pace and my own way.

Why You Can’t Control Others but You Can Control Your Reaction

• Accept that advice will happen: People will always give advice, but how you respond is within your control. It is always not easy to “block” these people’s comments off your head because it can affect your performance and mood. But the faster we “move on” from those comments or advice, the better it will be. We can use the self-talk advice mentioned earlier to help us move on faster and reframe the story that’s playing in our minds.

• Focus on your boundaries: Psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud emphasizes the importance of setting emotional boundaries to protect your well-being. Boundaries are about what you are willing to accept. I found that once someone shows you who they are and how they deal with things, paying close attention to that is important. You will eventually develop ways to navigate around these people to ensure that you are still able to enjoy your own journey.

• Choose your battles (How To Receive Unsolicited Advice): Sometimes, it’s best to let small things go. But for repeated or particularly disruptive advice, it’s essential to set a firm boundary. I found that when I expand my life, I handle these “unsolicited advice” better. This means I open my life to meet new people, see more things, and experience more. When you do, you can see that every person has just something odd about them, including me and you. That you’re not the ONLY TARGET of these people. They are that way about everyone, or at least to most people. It just so happens that you were there to receive it.

• Don’t take things personally. When people say sh*t to me and I say “Yes, that’s a good idea.” when really what I want to say is “NO SH*T SHERLOCK..”, I realize that I’ve gained some maturity because I no longer give time, or at least a long time to take things personally. I give a thumbs up, move on, and most likely avoid any encounter with that person as much as I can.

• Show your firm hand and be friendly later. You know I used to think I was a “psycho magnet” because before some crazy people just show up or I just meet them by chance and I used to think “It’s my fault..” And part of that is true, but not entirely. I didn’t show a firm hand from the beginning because I didn’t feel confident enough (yet!) to communicate my learning style or my goals. So other people just ended up doing what they “think” will work for me. I realized that it is my responsibility to ask, communicate, and discuss expectations properly. Now you can’t apply this every time, but I found that even a line like “I learn better when xyz..” or “For the time being, my focus is to xyz.. until such time it changes, I will ask for your input if you’re willing to share..”

• Accept not everyone will get it and has the same communication and learning style as you. This includes that some people have a different outlook and mindset. The more you expand your life, the more you experience things, the more you’ll find how people are different in many ways and you will encounter them a lot. You can choose to stay longer in that encounter or determine that there are things that can be worked out, and some are just there to pass by.

• Know when to play the game. Some unsolicited advice will come from people who might actually be your boss, your coach, your manager, your parents, your team lead, your sports captain, or the like. So you just can’t get up and leave. This is when you play the game and you use their “ego” to your advantage. If you acknowledge their “unsolicited advice” and “praise” them for it, you will find that it will work to your advantage because I found that when I do that, they eventually become supportive of my growth and time needed to get to that “improved state”. Knowing when to use these things to your advantage will be beneficial to you.

How To Receive Unsolicited Advice

I have always said that this is not about skipping accountability but communicating the advice. Because we have to be accountable for our part to be better and also accept feedback, improve, and work in a team.

Some random pieces of advice are actually great advice, but the problem is when your mental or emotional state is not ready for it, it becomes irrelevant and more than anything, annoying and disruptive. So the advice is not only unsolicited but also untimely.

But notice that when you are in a mental and emotional state that is open to receiving, you are more than happy to listen and apply those things, or be inspired to improve. Check yourself and see what state you’re in before you surround yourself with these people.

How To Receive Unsolicited Advice: Setting boundaries with unsolicited advice can feel tough, but with practice, you’ll find it empowering to stay in control of your own experiences and approach to learning. Remember, your journey is yours to own, and it’s okay to protect that space.