Perfectionism How To Manage And Let Go. Perfectionism: Why It Holds You Back. Shifting Mindsets: Moving from Perfectionism to Healthy Striving. Practical Steps to Overcome Perfectionism.
It’s quite a crazy world out there. The pursuit of perfection can be both alluring and exhausting. Many of us strive to achieve flawless outcomes in our work and daily lives, often driven by a fear of failure or a desire for validation.
However, psychologists warn that perfectionism can actually hinder our productivity, creativity, and overall well-being. So, what exactly is perfectionism, and how can we break free from its grip?
Perfectionism How To Manage And Let Go
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is more than just a quest for excellence—it’s an unrelenting pursuit of flawlessness and the avoidance of mistakes at all costs.
Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned research professor and author, describes perfectionism as “a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”
Psychologists like Dr. Carol Dweck emphasize that perfectionism often stems from a fixed mindset, where individuals believe their abilities and qualities are innate and unchangeable. This mindset can lead to constant self-criticism and anxiety, as any imperfection is seen as a personal failure.
Perfectionism: How To Manage And Let Go
〰️ RECOGNIZE PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES. The first step is acknowledging when perfectionism is driving your behavior. Notice if you’re overly critical of mistakes or reluctant to take on new challenges for fear of not excelling.
Before you start doing something, recognize what your intention is. Is this for you to be recognized? And if so, what does that recognition look like and mean to you?
Sometimes we are looking for approval from other people and we feel that only when we are PERFECT do we get that approval. But we also all know that there is no such thing as perfect. So recognizing where these perfection tendencies stemmed from will help us manage them, or better yet, break from them.
〰️ CHALLENGE YOUR THOUGHTS. Practice changing perfectionist thoughts to more realistic and compassionate ones. For example, instead of “I must never make a mistake,” tell yourself, “Mistakes are part of learning and growth.”
Anything that we do is open to new learning. New learnings mean new discoveries, and often, mistakes are going to show up to facilitate those learnings.
You can also rephrase “That was not a good idea.. I made a bad mistake/decision..” to “That was such a great discovery. I now have more information to help me better move forward to achieve this goal.”
Another challenge you can ask yourself is “What is this holding me back from?” If you want to only have the “perfect” diet and you are a busy person, and you can only perhaps make small changes, you are still WINNING even if you so small changes. Your diet doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to start to be healthy in small doses.
〰️ SET REALISTIC GOALS. Break tasks into manageable steps and set achievable goals. Focus on progress rather than perfection. Psychologist Dr. Alice Boyes suggests aiming for “good enough” rather than flawless.
〰️ EMBRACE IMPERFECTION. Learn to be comfortable with imperfections. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and they can be valuable opportunities for growth.
I know we use the word “imperfection” as such a “marker” not to be “perfect” but using that word usually has a negative attachment to it.
How about we rephrase it to “I accept who I am.” When we say this, it’s not a negative or positive, we say this as loving ourselves no matter what the world or society has described us to be.
〰️ PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend facing a similar challenge. Self-compassion helps counteract the harsh self-judgment of perfectionism.
Being kind to yourself is one of the best things you can give to yourself. Remember how we mentioned earlier that sometimes we seek approval from other people or the world on how we want to be seen? We can give that approval we’re seeking to ourselves.
This may have stemmed from childhood experience which is why it is important to also do some inner child work to help you understand deeper where the idea of “being perfect” started from and tackle it from its roots.
〰️ SMALL STEPS MATTER. Perfectionism often comes with this grandiosity feeling that you have done so much and everything that you SHOULD.
As we know, shoulds are not always helpful. You GET TO eat healthy and that’s great. It doesn’t mean you SHOULD have the PERFECT meal every single time, but you get to have great healthy meals at times and that is amazing.
Recognize all the small steps that you are doing your hardest to achieve. Be your own cheerleader and advocate. When you audit your efforts and hard work, you can see progress and realize that there is NO SUCH thing as PERFECTION, only PROGRESS.
〰️ FOCUS ON SUSTAINABILITY. Whatever habits or work you get yourself into, sustainability is important. In the long run, you want to be able to maintain it and ENJOY it. But when you focus on the “end goal” perfectly, you lose sight of the daily joy and the journey. There is no end, it’s a journey.
Focus on ways you can enjoy what you are doing and this will spark more creativity and energy for you to be able to keep moving forward.
Self-Talk and Dialogues to Overcome Perfectionism
〰️ SELF-TALK. Replace self-critical thoughts with encouraging statements. For instance, say to yourself, “It’s okay to make mistakes; they help me improve.”
I’ve always been a big fan of creating scripts and automatic responses to my perfectionist and negative thoughts.
〰️ INNER DIALOGUE. Engage in constructive inner dialogues. When you notice perfectionist thoughts arising, challenge them by asking questions like, “What’s the worst that could happen if this isn’t perfect? Can I learn from this experience?”
What Else Is There? (Perfectionism How To Manage)
Aside from overcoming perfectionism, fostering personal growth involves embracing vulnerability and resilience. Psychologist Dr. Angela Duckworth emphasizes the importance of grit—the combination of passion and perseverance—in achieving long-term goals. By cultivating grit, you can maintain focus and motivation even when faced with setbacks.
Moreover, practicing mindfulness and self-awareness can enhance your ability to navigate challenges and setbacks. Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff‘s research on self-compassion underscores its role in promoting emotional resilience and well-being.
To summarize, letting go of perfectionism requires a shift in mindset and behavior. By focusing on progress, embracing imperfection, and practicing self-compassion, you can break free from the constraints of perfectionism and unleash your true potential. Remember, life’s journey is about growth and learning, not about achieving flawless outcomes.
Respect the season that you are in and recognize that you are doing your best. If you are busy working a lot, it’s okay to do a 20-minute workout plan instead of a perfect 45-minute circuit that covers everything.
PERFECTIONISM HOW TO MANAGE: Be kind to yourself and audit all the hard work and efforts that you are putting in because that’s what’s important. Small progress and steps are still steps towards growth and excellence.
